508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You are the jesus of drinking
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
