i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize