You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
