no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
