that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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