When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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