YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
