fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
