Can Purell be used as lube?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
