My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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