we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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