Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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