Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
