Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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DRUNK COOKIES
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