He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
