you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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