I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
