Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
