Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
