Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
