and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
