youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My cat gives me a boner
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize