You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
