hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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