I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
