I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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