She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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