take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
