Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
