take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
