I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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