my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
