I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
