you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
my poor anus
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize