what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
