omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
