I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
