Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I want to have your abortion
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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