Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
my being single is dangerous.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i came on her dog
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
