Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
