so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize