I just threw up on my dentist
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
