his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
