i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
