i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You are the jesus of drinking
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
