tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
