none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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