I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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