Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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