Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
