is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize