girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
