I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
