i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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