drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
