Welp...herpes.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
