we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
