I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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