Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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