I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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