Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize