And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
