your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
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