I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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