this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
