either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
