i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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