he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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